Monday 2/9/09

2/9/09 Today has been a great day! I enjoyed my kids at school - very little thinking about John - and I seem to be moving on. I finished up Sarah's box of Valentine's goodies - cards ready to mail - Kelsey's, John's and Mom's. Yes, I got a card for John - saying Happy 11 years of being best friends. His mug is finished and should be mailed to him sometime this week - and then I am done. He wants for us to travel together to see Sarah either in the Spring, summer, or Thanksgiving week. He wants us to get a room at the hotel and Kelsey can stay with Sarah. Hum. He did pull himself off of my phone bill - get an account of his own. I wonder if he has someone he wants to be start calling and me not knowing/seeing the phone numbers on the bill. Today - that thought doesn't hurt as much as yesterday. I can see someone with him for about 6 months - until he starts "dictating" how the relationship is going to be. Yes, I guess I don't want him to be with anyone. My problem - I over think everything. and then I start to worry and imagine what might or might not be without even having the time moving forward. I need to readjust my thinking from so many negative thoughts to positive - to see the glass half full not half empty. I know that I deserve a man who wants me in his life 100% of the time - who will admire me - cherish me - and grow old with me. How did I go wrong with both Lance and John? I need to open myself up to the possibilities that will come - not sit back and wait for something to happen. I need to speak up, get mad at John for taking advantage of me for so long - and get mad at myself for allowing it. I need to look daily for the people and things that I am grateful for. I need to remind myself that "this too shall pass." I am worthy - I am a great person - I desire the best that there is for me from God.