2/10/09

Today has been the pits! Well, not that bad - but I am dreading Valentine's Day big time! I sent off John's, Kelsey's cards today - his mug should be arriving within the next few days. I need to just go day by day and not think or worry about that day. I had such a fantasy for the past 6-7 years - I was always so sure we would be together and married. I need to stop that line of thinking - and I want to move on! It felt good to work out today with Katie - I thank God daily for her! She and Sheila - what would I do without them. I seem to but heads with Amy - is it because she is "grade-level leader" and young, pretty, married with small children? Is it I am jealous of her - or is it because I think I do so much better at teaching than her and who is she to tell me how to do things? I want to be thin and fit - fit and trim - not this big fat of lump that I am. All I want to do tonight is cry right now - it's only 6:00 and I am ready for bed! How sad is that! I look ahead and I see this week-end as one lonely 4 days to fill. Maybe I will just take myself off to a casino in Laughlun for the sun and do nothing!